Kamea

by Bike Tuff

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1.
02:58
I’ve gotta go, for just a day To ride alone, but I’ll keep your fingertips close Absence makes the heart grow fonder I feel I’m getting stronger We’ll seize the day tomorrow Slumping down in the soft light of the big screen television I am finally alone in the definition Decompress as the heads drone Forget for a second my anxiety Absence makes the heart grow fonder I feel I’m getting stronger I haven’t been hungry in at least a week Obsessed with eating my company Always listening and never giving I crushed a can down on Burdick The pain pulls in mysterious ways You are about ready to be done with me I’ve got adjustments to make It’s not about you, no it’s not about us It’s solitary and clean in my headspace at least I’ve gotta go So come on are ya with me?
2.
I stick a fork in the socket, I pray that I will explode Intense self-loathing breeds a total lack of control I stick a fork in my dreams I could be anyone else Counting my sins in bed won’t see the day I’m sleep bound Shame on me, I am the death that I see Spit the spirit but I’m too drunk to party Casting shade on my family tree We had some happy days but now it’s time to turn around and fuck it up I stick a fork in the socket, I pray that I will explode The poison that I suck is never good enough around here I take the fork to the city I lace the road with bad blood Demons dancing in my eyes, receiving visions from the venom Shame on me, I am the death that I see Spit the spirit but I’m too drunk to party Steal the keys from my mate melancholy OK, I swiped your car but you were bringing me down And you know you were a shitty friend anyway Was I good enough, good enough? Broken sidewalks bringing me down How the earth cracks through the pavement, revealing the ground Was I good enough, good enough? No I can’t say you are any better than me though
3.
02:27
I still think you’re the one, an unrequited love Dance circles through my dreams, make me feel so seventeen Even I wouldn’t ask me, even I wouldn’t ask me To be a part of your perfect life To be a fly that laps the sweat off of the back of your neck The rock you clench in your fist A keepsake from your time out west in Colorado When you were 16, 900 miles with your family Did you think about me in Colorado? Hopeless, rejected bathetic Did you forget about me?
4.
You are going home, I was not there I’m a selfish fuck, absorbed without an excuse I wouldn’t call me again, you shouldn’t call me again Forget my name, my face, and then find someone better for you Just give it a week I’ve been avoiding this Take no memory Things will get better You are going home, I was not there I’m a selfish fuck Just give it a week I’ve been avoiding this Take no memory Things will get better Pleading for my conscience spared, fingers crossed, I’ll do what’s right Bat your lashes ‘til I’m bare, 40 days and 40 nights Define my life to be with you or part completely Oh, kill me freely or just forget about it Come over, a simple out Easier to wash my mouth and walk away I never draw these lines straight Erase, erase, erase There’s no vindication Your tongue stings as bees pour out I was carried by the cloud Pleading for my conscience spared, fingers crossed I’ll do what’s right Bat your lashes ‘til I’m bare, 40 days and 40 nights Define my life to be with you or part completely Oh, kill me freely What’s human inside of me does not care
5.
Tell me again of life when you were young In the absence of motive and no identity crush Don’t mince your words, don’t spare the bloody details The foyer sleeps three when it smells of kerosene The softly decaying details sway with the western winds And I can’t resist the urge to drive past our old house The porch lights still flicker on and cover up the face of someone else who is young When I close my eyes, the devil’s waiting for me Walked right in the crosshairs, and I fell asleep I’ve been taking advantage of unconditional love But I’ve still got a conscience, there in lies the rub It’s just when I close my eyes, you tell me the worst
6.
Check the thermostat, still stuck at 96 - how can you justify that? I’ve got a fever that I can’t sweat out, it’s got me turning in fits I don’t have to tell you this world is not a good place Fighting tooth and nail, trying to make my spaces feel safe What can I do now? You wanna break a bottle to feel a bit bigger as if you had any control It’s coming at your head like a redwood splinter, there’s no stopping it now You’re clutching at the throttle trying to hit the speed of light to take you into the future I hear it could be better there Check the thermostat, still stuck at 96 - how can you justify that? I’ve got a fever that I can’t sweat out, it’s got me turning in fits Like the tempest I drone onto flat faces of stone Disgust laid centuries thick, it takes too long to erode I’m losing my grip now So what do you do? Come on, do tell The stars you count are buried by the city The ebb and flow of the tumultuous glow Those dreams you had are buried by the city
7.
I’ve been putting up these paintings in my room to cover up the bloodstains And yeah, I’m fucking boring I’ve got that Hokusai you dull your eyes on, shifting, waiting for the nurse’s call Never nervous though, this cough will escape you But I’ve been stuck on you ever since that firefly conjured light Right between our hands clasped tight Though the magic escaped us Life is never that romantic, come on… Doubt you remember that night I took your keys away Because I fucking loved you We crashed matchbox cars trying to maneuver the bed frame And you left when you came I know you don’t hate me, there’s no blood on your fingers But these past few months, I feel you’ve been my bedroom walls Now my hands are bloody and these waves swell up and crush me Such an endearing embrace, my veins, these prints and your face Doubt you remember that night I took your keys away Because I fucking loved you We crashed matchbox cars trying to maneuver the bed frame I know you don’t hate me, I know that you’re scared But it’s humbling you won’t fight for me when I’m always there
8.
I found something easier The money doesn’t cry I found something easier Call me Salta, you Kamea, don’t be scared to write back But I found something easier The money doesn’t cry
9.
03:30
I don’t wanna talk now, don’t wanna have this conversation here In your parents’ living room, I shut my eyes, but the pain in my chest sears You can’t fight falling in love It’s what we all do It’s the sun in the sky, it’s the tears in your eyes Disintegration of life, it’s how the world turns Can we go to sleep now? The torture rambles on into oblivion I can’t find a reason to fix this, we’re too old to get out But I found something easier, the money doesn’t cry Objective satisfaction is easier, no emotion is better Picture myself in hotel room suites What’s sweeter, dying broke or alone? The reaper don’t care if you’re one or two When he comes to collect you I found something easier, the money doesn’t cry Objective satisfaction is easier, no emotion is better Kamea I fell in love Picture myself in hotel room suites Come save me before I die alone Come save me, come save me, come save me, come
10.
Slumped down into some bed I wrap my mind around the riddle that is you in my head My broken silver compass won’t stop spinning A single engine airplane propeller take me anywhere Bend to lace your shoes, finger traces the distance on the map Separating sticky floors and midnight rides through the city From the impossible mess of the day before Stitch the gaps with sewing machines Our barren bodies wrapped from the in-between Kamea we're going home Gather your friends and I’ll call up my family No empty promises, constant eternally Bend to lace your shoes, I am silver on the map Caught between the tracks, I ride alone Call me Salta, you Kamea, don’t be scared to write back When you receive my requests penned to paper and then carefully carried by the postman Kamea we're going home Gather your friends and I’ll call up my family No empty promises, constant eternally It’s the lump in my throat, it’s the breaking of bones It’s the two hours home, yeah, it gets me thinking
11.
04:24
I took your picture off the wall The corner cobwebs stalled me, but I couldn’t keep it up Your memory will disappear abruptly A fresh coat of paint drips down the faded square your face left in my room It’s not forgive and forget this time I’ve got your name on my chest Now it’s just bad ink That’s what you said to me Tired eyes drift through our letters Forgotten prose whispers that I am alone Tears that you’ll never know I hardly see my friends anymore And when I do, we never dream about what next year has in store We just trip over the past I knew you were right but I never told you Every single time you were right I never told you And now I understand that I broke your spirit I abandoned your hand I let the world turn dark on you It’s not forgive and forget this time I’ve got your name on my chest Now it’s just bad ink That’s what you said to me Tired eyes drift through our letters Forgotten prose whispers that I am alone Tears that you’ll never know Now I understand that I broke your spirit I abandoned your hand I let the world turn dark on you

credits

released October 18, 2016

All music by Bike Tuff, lyrics by N. Richards. Engineered and Mixed by Rick Johnson at Cold War Studios in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Mastered by Joel Hatstat in Athens, Georgia. Artwork by Travis Lacey at Ravenseye Studios.

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